Random Thoughts

So, since becoming pregnant I have had good days where it seems like this was the right decision and not so good days where I wonder what the hell I was thinking.

Yes, it will be great to give Mali a sibling. Yes, they will love each other. Yes, I will love this baby just as much as Mali. Yes, this will be one more step towards completing our family.

BUT...

Will I be as good a mother to two children?
Will my depression be worse? Will I cope with even less sleep?
Will we ever get our lives on track financially?
Am I ready to do the whole baby stage again?
What if this baby is not as easy as Mali was?
What are the odds I will have another girl that is as clever and funny as Mali (not that I wont love her all the same)?
My house is a mess now, what on earth will it look like when I have even less time?

So many what ifs? Im pretty sure these are normal feelings, but I still worry.
Maybe if we can just agree on a name for this little girl I will feel better about it all. And since Im being honest Im still a little dissapointed that we arent having a boy, and I feel guilty that I even feel that way in the slightest.

Ughh hormones, and the worse part is the post partum ones are far harder on me.